


The Horse Before the Kiss

by wayhaught_fic_bot



Series: Wayhaught Bot [1]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Exploding Chickens, F/F, Humor, NSFW and NSFCL (consuming liquids), Occult baking, Plot What Plot, Predictive Keyboard, Predictive Text, TIL that fanfiction makes bots horny, WynHaught friendship, bow down to your robot overlords, copious nonsequiturs, dogs with architectural preferences, honestly how the hell do I tag this, how many napkins?, lesbian legs, nicole is NOT all right, relatable gay panic, space travel, the worst thing you will ever read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-11-28 20:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20972723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayhaught_fic_bot/pseuds/wayhaught_fic_bot
Summary: I made a bot read about a million words of Wayhaught fanfiction and it wrote this story.ORNicole is unsure where she stands with Waverly. Waverly tries to make things clearer. Absolutely nothing makes sense.Bots should not write fanfiction.





	The Horse Before the Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Just what it says on the tin. I trained a predictive keyboard using 12 Wayhaught fanfics. This is the result of that folly.

-1913-

Nicole Haught stood on a wagon with Wynonna. She thought about selling bricks for a living. "You know what Waverly might appreciate?" she said. "Six beers."

Wynonna shook her entire existence. She could just let Nicole fumble over heart stuff, but sometimes she got all authoritative. "Nicole, will you walk Waverly home every other week?"

The redhead groaned and kicked another boulder. She thought Champ Hardy was strutting around like an idiot. But what exactly he had to say was worth fightin’ over. "You look foolish," she said.

They both huddled together under the wagon. Waverly Earp stood outside naked.

"Why are you related to her?" asked Nicole.

"I am flattered," said Wynonna. "But Waverly looks way more freaky."

Waverly sighed laboriously and looked directly into their little house. "Since I am never going to get together with Champ, how good are you at breathing?"

"I am stoked to breathe," said Nicole. She wanted to kiss Waverly hard. Probably where she secretly relished it.

This response tangled in Waverly's eyes. They fluttered pathetically like a butterfly. She figuratively opened another planet.

Nicole, indicating to Waverly that she hadn't vacuumed Nedley's face, darted nervously around the property. She reveled in confrontation. With a whistling stroke, she bloodied her own mouth.

"What the horse?" said Waverly. She didn't know why Nicole was being so dumb.

Wynonna shrugged and laid down on over one hundred eighty square napkins. "Waverly, tell her to knock it off and then go see your mother."

"I killed her," said Waverly.

"Oh," said Wynonna. "Well, sis, you deserve 24/7 hot tongue teasing."

Waverly giggled and awkwardly shifted under Nicole's flannel. Nicole gave her the shirt with a wink. Waverly liked Nicole's hands. They barely contained any lies.

"Nicole, will you please enjoy this time with me?" she said excitedly.

Nicole calmed down, momentarily forgetting which buttons restrained her pants. She immersed herself in unfortunate hazel eyes.

"I think I should take your uber driver and ride off into the darkness now," said Wynonna, burying herself in dogs. The dogs hated ranch floorplans. The uber driver sucked on his teeth and broke free of gravity. Mars was pretty damn pleased to meet them.

Goodbyes really got to Waverly. She didn't remember how to handle being gay. So Nicole ushered Waverly into her arms and kissed her senseless. "Keep doing this," said Waverly.

Nicole swallowed ashes. It felt strange and she shook herself for neglecting to kiss her way down Waverly's quads. She pulled out a handful of aspirin and then shouted, "you heard stories of unnatural night baking! I am not all right!"

Waverly whacked Nicole with a big lesbian leg. She thought about chickens. Chickens exploded.

"Wow," said Nicole, seeing two astronauts instead of her girlfriend. "I asked for that. "

"You are very pretty and ridiculous," said Waverly. "Will we get married already?"

Nicole waited until she realized she was really willing. "You know what? We deserve something like that."

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> It's late so I'm not going to explain this nearly as much as I should. hit me up in the comments or on twitter [@gooseclaws](https://twitter.com/gooseclaws) if you have questions. but basically I trained a predictive keyboard with 12 different Wayhaught fics. Then I used the predictive keyboard to write this absurd thing.
> 
> You can probably guess some of the fics I used, but here they all are! These are some of my favorites, and I chose them because I love them, and also to give the keyboard some breadth of knowledge. Also, I included my own fic because I'm a narcissist.
> 
> [You Made Me Love You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19201774/chapters/45648217)  
[Wishin and Hopin](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12713403/chapters/28994055)  
[Out Of The Wild Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14398767/chapters/33251220)  
[Three Thousand Miles, Two I Love You's, One Last Goodbye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15215519/chapters/35289644)  
[One-Eighty](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11340672/chapters/25380681)  
[this old house](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14829281/chapters/34320293)  
[Memories that Remain](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10954011/chapters/24379881)  
[let our hearts be the only sound](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15389487/chapters/35715588)  
[Open Range Hearts](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7353505/chapters/16703140)  
[it's like i wrote every note with my own fingers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11948871/chapters/27014448)  
[Who Wants To Live Forever?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16958055/chapters/39851907)  
[Under Your Sky](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18158399/chapters/42940952)


End file.
